Saturday, November 2, 2013

Short Takes: Tori Spelling's Husband Can't Afford A Vasectomy And It's All Reality TV's Fault!

Greetings and salutations, movie lovers. I'm sure you've heard the awful news that Tori Spelling's financial situation has become so dire that her hubby can't afford that vasectomy he wants.

Of course, some would blame Tori's money problems on bad investments, irresponsible spending, the economic down turn, failure to stick to the family budget or just a run of bad luck.

I, however, know the REAL culprit in this unfortunate development: "Reality TV".

As more and more network and cable broadcast hours are being devoured by the army of Reality TV termites, is it any wonder that actors of both genders are feeling the loss of their livelihoods? Where once network TV brimmed with dramas, comedies, movies of the week and mini-series, it is now a barren desert of singing contests, cooking contests, dancing contests, dating contests and designing contests. And  that doesn't even include those other "Reality TV" shows where rich housewives, mafia brides, teen moms, irresponsible men and endless branches of the Kardashian family tree are filmed talking on the phone, boozing it up, turning over tables and calling each other "Whore!" for hours upon end. They take up space, too--and not in a good way.

Where once Tori could count on, say, 3 or 4 movie of the week acting jobs a year, now there are none. Is it any wonder her family has had to economize and her hubby has been forced to put off that little snip-snip he wants?

Granted, Tor-Tor isn't the only TV movie titan that has been affected by this Reality TV-inspired drought. Jacklyn Smith, Pam Dawber, Lyndsay Wagner, Cheryl Ladd, Jane Seymour, Melissa Gilbert, Ann Jillian and Lisa Hartman (before she married Clint)Black are just a few of the actresses who have disappeared from the movie-of-the-week universe that they used to call home.

Sure, a few of the these gals have other gigs to support themselves. Jacklyn Smith shills for K-Mart, after all. Lyndsay Wagner hocks those mattresses. Jane Seymour paints and designs jewelry. Lisa Hartman has hit maker hubby Clint to support her.

Tori, on the other hand, has no such options. Yes, she and her hubby did a Reality Show, but who wants to watch that? Nothing Tori could cook up for her "Home Sweet Hollywood" program could compare with the stuff she's done in her TV movies.

In her movie career, Tori has fought off psychotic boyfriends, evil pimps, nutty surrogate mothers, ghosts and mobsters. She's been a lawyer, a pre-med student and a co-ed call girl. That is much more exciting to watch than Tori and her hubby bickering about the phone bill or dressing up for the red carpet. And it's much more interesting than Tori's forays into books, fashion and stuff.

If Reality TV were not hogging all the television schedule, not only would Tori be able to practice her art, but the offerings on television would be more varied and interesting. An endless parade singing/dancing/designing/cooking/decorating/duck calling/diving/dating contests is not what television was created for. Bring back the dramas! Bring back the mini-series! Bring back the movies-of-the-week! Bring back the real actors, not the fake ones!

Tori: I feel your pain. End Reality TV and save the movies!