Friday, January 31, 2014

The Best Review Of "The Legend Of Hercules" Ever!

Greeting and salutations, movie lovers.

I was planning to present my review of Renny Harlin's "The Legend of Hercules", a flick that may end up being the worst reviewed film of 2014...and it's only February... of 2014.

However, after writing and rewriting my article, I was checking some facts on the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDb). That's where I stumbled upon a review of this delightfully wretched film that was 100 times BETTER than what I had written.

Therefore, I have chosen to print their review instead of my own. It goes as follows:

"He (Renny Harlin) makes me ashamed to be a Finnish person."

 When a filmmaker makes a movie so awful that citizens of their own country are moved to shame, what more could you, as a critic, add?


Dear sir, I feel your pain. Who, reading this comment, could not? However, please, don't allow Renny's lack of skill as a filmmaker make you ashamed to be Finnish. Finland is a great country! According to the World Audit Study, Finland was voted the least corrupt and most democratic country as of 2012! The Finnish education system is 100% state funded! And Finnish children call Santa Claus Joulupukki or "Yule Goat", which is really cute! Don't let Renny Harlin mar all the wonderful things about your Finnish heritage!

Now, dear readers, if you would like me to print my Herc review, I will. Just drop me a line at and tell me so. I have the hard copy, so it would be easy to write a new story for my review.

Until then, please enjoy my pictorial tribute to Renny Harlin's "The Legend of Hercules."

This is Hercules.

 This is "Jerk-u-les"!

Hercules: "Check it out! I made this in shop class. It's a letter opener."

Princess Hebe: "OK, um, don't tell me, my line is..."

"I accuse you, Renny Harlin, of making one rotten movie too many! The punishment is death!"

"No, Herc, honey, as far as I can tell you don't have head lice."

Liam McIntyre: " after I tabulated all the costs, I realized 'There is no way I can buy myself out of this movie.' So I dug down deep and finished the flick. I hope my fans will understand."

Hercules battling a big rouge critter.

Hercules (Alan Steele) battling the Moon Men.

Hercules (Kellan Lutz) battling a bad perm.

"Yippie! The movie is over!"

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